Now I get it.

Hello.

I know it’s been a while and after you read what I’m about to write, you’ll understand.

I always knew pain can have an effect on your mental health but I knew it in a “I read it in a text book but not really understanding it” kind of way.  It’s the car accident victim who is in pain and constantly grumpy and depressed kind of example.  Not necessarily personal and therefore, not understood.

Until recently.

For the last few months, my hands have been hurting.  At first I put it down to working too much, but when I had a really quiet period and my hands still hurt, I knew it was something more.  Off to the GP to have a chat.  The chat lead to me having some tests and referred to a rheumatologist.  By this stage my feet had started to join my hands in their aching party and I was fairly confused.

After seeing the specialist, I was sent to have more tests and an MRI and after the follow up appointment I was put on a steroids trial to see if that helped.

Before the medication trial, I was feeling fairly burnt out about massaging and my business.  I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with it and how to go on.  The plan to return to uni was cancelled indefinitely as well.  I was in a black hole of depression.  I felt I couldn’t see my clients in the mood I was in.  I had all but decided to close up and move on.  The pain was clouding my thoughts and affecting how I felt and what I did.

Then….

About a week into taking the meds, my hands stopped aching.  Yippee!  It works!  I feel great and I’m willing to massage again.  Nope, not going back to uni but not  closing my business.  I even gave a couple of massages to some really awesome people.  I had energy and inspiration.

Then the trial stopped as planned.  It’s been about 5 days since and my hands are hurting and typing this is getting difficult.  The cold hard reality of how pain affects how you think is plainly clear.  I do need to state that I already had depression and I am on medication for that, but depression comes in different shapes and forms and, in my case, was lingering well before the hand pain.

So, I’ve decided to take a little break from massaging until the hand pain issue is sorted.  Just a few weeks at this stage just like someone taking annual leave but I will be back.

Hope you understand.

Em.